Raw

Raw.
Sometimes I feel raw.
Too fragile, too exposed in my emotions.
Lately I've been drawn into reading books that leave me feeling that way.
But instead of picking up something else light and happy, I again, choose raw.
But raw is fragile.
Raw is emotion.
Raw changes you.
Well, at least to me it does.



On Monday I picked up three random books.
They are random in that I had never seen them in our school library before.
Instantly I was drawn in.
You see I’m trying to find new novels for our classes.
Finding books for a class novel isn't as easy as it may seem.
The book has to be high interest, must move, and must promote deep thinking.
The second book has proven to be all of those things.
Split by Swati Avasthi

As I began reading, I was sucked into the lives of the characters.
It was almost too real.
Too raw.
But aren't those needed for true thought and reflection?
That being said, it’s not an easy read.
Abuse is never an easy topic.

I cringe and feel sick to my stomach.
Sitting here, thinking about it, I get sick again.
It’s never easy to read something that could have easily become your life,
 if things had been different.
It’s never easy to read the pain and fear that you know all too well.
Because some bruises heal quickly,
while others take much, much longer.
And there are those deep bruises that emerge
even after you thought they have healed.
“Anger is a memory never forgotten.”
(Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen)
How true that is…I’ll never forget.
And I hope with my memory, I can help others.

Watch people…I do.
I watch and listen for what’s missing.
Words not being said.
Silence.
Life not being lived…watch and you’ll see.
And when you see, don’t just stand there.
Do something.
Anything really.
But mostly ask the hard questions.
You know the ones…
I never said it was going to be easy, it never is.
But I remember those that asked me the tough questions…
The love I feel for them, lives in a very special place in my heart.
And because they asked, I’m free and whole.
So from me to you, don’t be afraid to ask.
Don’t be afraid to step in.
They are waiting for you.
Believe me, they are.
Just ask.

Reading the Stars

“My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations.” (311, Green, J.)

Wow.

You know when a book is stellar, 

when you put it down and just sit there. 

Stunned that it’s over, 

reeling in it's beauty, 

and mourning the loss of more pages.

That is how I feel.

Each and every time.

I am a book nerd.
Those who didn't know this about me, well here it is.
I am a book nerd and proud of it.
I love books.
Someday, if I ever have a larger home, I dream of a room solely devoted to books.
My very own library…
That would be beautiful.
Yes, it’s a beautiful, nerdy world, and I adore it.
One of the amazing things about teaching English is that I get to read.
It’s not that I just “get to read,” I get to read AND talk about books.
Now sometimes, I must admit,
that it can be painful to get my students involved in the conversations.
But when they do…oh man,
there’s nothing better than seeing their eyes open in realization and understanding.
They think that I’m lying at the beginning of the year when I tell them that I learn something new every
time I read a book. I tell them that some of our books I've read 30-40 times.
This is where their faces slack and jaws drop.
But it’s true.
This is my 15 year teaching.
Though the novel read haven’t been around 15 years,
when I read them with multiple classes,
the numbers quickly jump.
But it’s true.
I learn something new each and every time.
How you ask?
Well, you know why...
It’s the kids!
Their lives.
Their background.
Their insight.
It replenishes a familiar story into something more profound.
They do that.
Still, they don’t believe me when I make that statement.
And that’s okay.
It's true.

I will always talk about books.
Encouraging my students to embrace
and love literature for the words that are so carefully chosen.
If not today, maybe tomorrow they too will put down a book,
so beautiful that they have no words to express the feeling.
Because the author has already said enough.
So I leave you with one recommendation today.
Read.
Read alone, with someone, or to someone.
Just read!
I cherish the memories of my mom reading to me at night.
I still remember each and every story.
Those storybooks are kept safe and sound on my bookshelf.
And today, I read.
I read to learn about the past, experience a life in the present, and live a surreal future.
But, above all, I read.
You should too.

My suggestion,
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.
It's beautifully written and a heart-twisting look into the
strength and courage of those battling cancer.
You'll laugh.
You'll cry.
You'll smile and then cry again.
But you'll fall in love with it!