Raw

Raw.
Sometimes I feel raw.
Too fragile, too exposed in my emotions.
Lately I've been drawn into reading books that leave me feeling that way.
But instead of picking up something else light and happy, I again, choose raw.
But raw is fragile.
Raw is emotion.
Raw changes you.
Well, at least to me it does.



On Monday I picked up three random books.
They are random in that I had never seen them in our school library before.
Instantly I was drawn in.
You see I’m trying to find new novels for our classes.
Finding books for a class novel isn't as easy as it may seem.
The book has to be high interest, must move, and must promote deep thinking.
The second book has proven to be all of those things.
Split by Swati Avasthi

As I began reading, I was sucked into the lives of the characters.
It was almost too real.
Too raw.
But aren't those needed for true thought and reflection?
That being said, it’s not an easy read.
Abuse is never an easy topic.

I cringe and feel sick to my stomach.
Sitting here, thinking about it, I get sick again.
It’s never easy to read something that could have easily become your life,
 if things had been different.
It’s never easy to read the pain and fear that you know all too well.
Because some bruises heal quickly,
while others take much, much longer.
And there are those deep bruises that emerge
even after you thought they have healed.
“Anger is a memory never forgotten.”
(Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen)
How true that is…I’ll never forget.
And I hope with my memory, I can help others.

Watch people…I do.
I watch and listen for what’s missing.
Words not being said.
Silence.
Life not being lived…watch and you’ll see.
And when you see, don’t just stand there.
Do something.
Anything really.
But mostly ask the hard questions.
You know the ones…
I never said it was going to be easy, it never is.
But I remember those that asked me the tough questions…
The love I feel for them, lives in a very special place in my heart.
And because they asked, I’m free and whole.
So from me to you, don’t be afraid to ask.
Don’t be afraid to step in.
They are waiting for you.
Believe me, they are.
Just ask.

Crafting Joy

It's an everyday decision.

I wake up and have to decide...

To be joyful or not.

Some days the decision is simple...

life is moving smoothly and I'm not exhausted.

then there are those other days...those days when negativity abounds

and seems to hold me hostage.

I fight against that.

Each and every day.

The world is a complicated and many times cruel place.

Without joy, what would keep us moving forward

and striving to change the world.

I choose joy.

And when I forget, well,

I made myself a little reminder to bring focus.

 

So with an idea in mind, and a craft selected,

I headed out for Craft Night.

Southern Belle Soul, Mountain Bride Heart

With letters place, friends and a drink by my side, I dive into the project. 

But there are so many colors to choose from! What to do, what to do...

 Allison had a jump start on the project, so I knew that I needed to make some decisions.
Circles...I'm good at makes circles, so that's exactly what I did...a base of neutral circles.

Swish. Swish.

 While I watch my paint dry, literally, I chat the evening away and

watch my dear friends create beauty.

How cool is this?

Melissa used pages from a Shel Silverstein as a backdrop for her painting.

 

Genius idea.

Kelly used fabric...another genius idea.



Mindy created a beautiful ombre of blue.

Me...I chose circles. Circles. Geesh.

It will work.

Drying, drying, drying...

 Nervously I remove the vinyl letters and step back...

Not bad...not bad at all. 

With a little outlining in black to help the letters stand out...

...and a couple layers of sealer...

Now, it seems worthy for hanging up around the house.

The sun is shining, literally, the birds are singing,

and someone else has made dinner.

Perfection!

Yes, I do like to imagine myself in a Disney movie.

When joy fills my heart, mind and body,

I think of myself as Snow White.

You know, where she is singing
and all of the woodland critters come help her...

that scene epitomizes joy to me.

And so does this...friends.

Beautiful, loving friends that I can be myself with

and share an evening of joy.

Happy "Freedom" Day

Now, Valentine's Day means a something a little different to me than it does to you.
(I'm pretty sure that most people don't have the same connections as I do. Yep.  Pretty darn sure.)

Yes, Valentine's is a day to celebrate the people that you love
and shower them with little sentiments of how much they mean to you.
It's a day that card manufactures
and chocolate company's boost their sales...
A day when bakeries (yumma!) open their doors
and supply their patrons with heart shaped confections...
The day that I have another glorious bake sale of new treats for Fences...
Kids hand out little notes of love and friendship to their classmates...
Parents dote on their kids with little notes of love...
All of these things are fabulous!
I love each and every one of those things, but to me "Freedom" day is all of that
and every other holiday wrapped up in a fabulous package.

You must be curious now...right?!
What could be better than all of that?!
Well...let me tell you!

For me, it is "Lori's Freedom Day.
Ahhh...beautiful, lovely, glorious freedom day.
The day that I was unchained from an unhealthy marriage.
It's the day that my shackles of pain and sadness were removed and I was FREE!
Unburdened...
Released...
Divorced finalized!

For some people, this type of day falling on a day
dedicated to love may seem horrible.
Stained.
Tainted.
Depressing.
Really, really sad.
But not to me.

Valentine's Day is a day of love.
It represents me, loving myself enough to get out of a bad situation.
Me, having amazing people who LOVE ME enough to hold me up, when I couldn't.
People ,supporting me every decision and helping me along the way.
It's me, having enough strength and courage to love me, and put me first.
To walk away and make my life, well, mine again.
If that's not a celebration of love, then what is?!
Though, I'm very confident that I definitely have the idea of love, just right.

So on this VERY important day of love,
remember that loving yourself and taking care of you,
is the best gift of love that you can give and receive.
Really, it is.
Trust me.
I've worked a long time to figure that out.

And while you're sharing the love,
make sure the amazing people that are your support system feel the love too.
If you're not sure what to give,
I suggest a big hug,
and a big cookie!

 

 

 

 

 

From me to you,

Happy Freedom Day

             and

Happy Valentine's Day!

Breathe

"I breathe better outside.  It's my 'therapy' place."

 

It's true.
I was explaining to a dear friend what helps me clear my head from the craziness...it's being outside.
Now, I'm not an exerciser...I try, but I prefer a brisk walk or slow stroll with my walking buddy.

He sets the pace.
He has messages to pick up and replace. (pee-yuck!)
He needs to investigate what events have taken place in the neighborhood.  (i.e. strange, new smells)
Obviously, as a Border Collie, it is his job to make sure that everything is in perfect order.  The neighborhood is his realm...his territory...his job...he's a detective.
He has discoveries to make
and so do I.
While he takes care of "business," so do I.
I breathe.
I think.
I let the stress of the day drift away.

But my favorite, absolute favorite time of the day is early in the morning.
And, actually, this time of the year...January. 
The mornings are amazing.
Trust me, I know...I'm out there.
While you're sleeping, Murph is patrolling and I'm...well...I'm just breathing.
The morning is full of possibilities.
Nothing has happened yet.
Nothing.
Nothing good or bad.
It's neutral.

In January, it's a different morning.
The cold, somehow, makes everything look different...feel different.
More raw. More real. 
And, well, everything has a beautiful shimmer...
...a sparkle, from the ice crystals forming throughout the night. 
God's sparkle.
It's beautiful.
Simple.
I breathe in the sparkle and it changes me.

And it's really, really quiet.
Shhhh....just listen. (I whisper.)
It's so perfectly quiet.
Most people miss this part of the day.
Most people are snug in their beds still waiting for the light, to greet the day.
Me...I have a headlamp.  It's enough light.
Plus, it is the only part of my day that is quiet. 
A comfortable quiet.

You see...I generally don't like quiet.
I thrive in noise.
I recharge from the conversations and interactions with people. 
That is more comfortable then quiet.
In the quiet you think.
You ponder...you wonder...and try to solve problems...most of the time.
But not in the morning, I just breathe.
I let the bad, stuffy air out of my body, and bring in the good.
In January, the cold, crisp air, brightens my lungs and brings a new freshness into my soul.
I breathe.

As we marched head first into January, I challenge you to one thing...it's simple.
Breathe.
I know, I know...you do that anyway. 
But that's not the breath that I speak of...this is very different.
It's purposeful.
It's meaningful.
It.   will.   change.   you.
Trust me.
It changes my world, daily.
I just breathe better outside.
You'll see.
It's better.
Breathe.

 

P.S.- When I hear the song, Breathe, by Michelle Branch I think about this scene...

I'm so lucky to have an amazing safety net. :0)

My Inspiration, My Goal

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." Dalai Lama

Simply stated, but it spoke straight to my heart. This spring, I enjoyed an evening of inspriation and hope at the Ethiopian Orphan Relief Auction. Sitting there listening to the stories, of people helping others in small and big ways. I didn't feel sadness, instead, I felt joy and hope. Joy that I am blessed to be surrounded by love, and hope that I could spread that love to those around me.

I have the gift of a summer free from worry, free from obligation, so I thought, "Why not?!" Make a new recipe, can something, create something...bring joy to myself and those I love.

My goal is simple...everyday try something new. I hope that you enjoy my journey of inspiring happiness through my own actions.

Hugs,
Lori